New Week, New Motivation

Here’s a new week and let us be grateful for another opportunity because our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. Last week I did struggle to keep my motivation going, l literary felt like I was running out of gas and tricks to self-talk into staying enthused. I knew I either run the week or the week runs me. I had to try harder to find good in each day. 

Did you know that a negative mind will never give you a positive life? So if you struggled last week, like I did, here’s a new week! Let us practice positivity and I believe we will do better than last week and something wonderful is about to happen. 

Here’s my six tips that I am going to apply to motivate myself this week; 

1. start simple - I will take small steps into achieving my goals by keeping near me things that motivate me.  
   
2. Remind myself of the dangers of procrastination. So I will promise myself something like “If I get this done now, I can exercise early and get time to cook a fresh meal today” or “If I can get this out of the way, I can have time to watch a movie, FaceTime or WhatsApp with my family and friends.” 
3. Give myself  occasional breaks to avoid burnout. I’ll take short breaks to go into the garden before I return indoors to continue with my work. 
4. Yes I will avoid multitasking and behaving like a ‘superwoman’.  
5. I shall avoid getting distracted by unnecessary negative thoughts so my  productivity does not suffer.
6. I shall observe a good sleeping pattern. 

We Shall Beat the Virus ..

When the year started, most of us had New Years resolutions and plans. Only two months into 2020 and life takes an almost 360degree turn when a virus literally forces all of us to rethink life. 

On 1st January 2020, along the many wonderful Rotarians, I marched the streets of London in the London's New Year's Day Parade - The World's Greatest Street Spectacular! cheered and watched by by over 500,000 and viewed by millions around world. My reasons for taking part was to raise awareness on polio eradication and the amazing work undertaken by Rotary. Well, I don’t know what your resolution was, or what your plans were.

 Now that we all sit and self distance, I hope we don’t lose that which unites us, I trust we will be there for one another as fellow members of humanity, in the finest sense of the word.  

QUARANTINE GLOW

The Corona virus has shut down just about everything except the Devine power of the creator. We are all having to alter how we live and how we interact for the time being until it’s brought under control. 

Here’s my advice for a Quarantine glow up at this time of self-distancing; drink plenty of clean warm water, if you don’t like it plain you can add a hint of fresh squeezed lemon or an orange. Oil your hair with trimming of the ends every fortnight as you are not able to see your hair dresser for a couple of weeks. I also recommend a good skincare routine; for the ladies do not forget your morning and evening routine because consistency is key. For the men, take regular showers and general good grooming is necessary. Observe a healthy diet by practicing self distancing from the kitchen and your fridge. 

Avoid unnecessary snacking and instead opt for a fruit or a glass of warm water. To keep your mind active, read widely and enjoy Netflix. If you are a family,  play board and card games. You can also invent your own activities at home that will keep the children involved and active. If you have a member of the family who is disabled, make sure their needs are not forgotten and they are involved so I recommend having inclusiveness activities. Take time and learn the art of meditation and listen to soul edifying music.  Interact with your friends and other family members and friends via social media. Use Skype, WhatsApp, FaceTime to keep in touch. Wash your hands regularly. 

STAY POSITIVE. 

FORGIVE or REVENGE ...

_...

_{The question is should we hold onto anger or forgive and let go..}

 _{When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge, or you can embrace forgiveness and move forward. I do not know how you interpret 'forgiveness' but to me it's the letting go of grudges and bitterness and not attempting the act of revenge in any way and form. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy.}

_{For many of us, the emotions holding the tightest grip on our hearts are disappointment, resentment, blame and anger, infidelity, lies, career sabotage, betrayal even certain life styles that may have caused us trauma, to family or loved ones. They place a stranglehold on our happiness, and the only person who can release them is you.}

_{Life will throw many obstacles onto our life path that will make us sad or disappointed at times. People will hurt you, let you down, collude and plot your downfall, and cause misery. Dealing positively with these obstacles is what makes the difference between them turning into worse states or being overcome. And the art to overcoming is FORGIVENESS.} 

_{How many times have you gone to bed plotting a revenge or woken up in the morning and while dressing, felt the pain that someone caused you and you tell the reflection in the mirror how you are going to teach them a lesson. How no one ever crosses you and gets away unpunished, or how this and how that ... they will know you are not to messed with! Allow me to invent a new name and call this kind of attitude 'big-small ego' syndrome.} 

_{Forgiveness is a choice that sets us free. It might not be a one-time choice and we may need to do it repeatedly but it's worth it!} 

_{Life takes us through different  twists and turns and personally I am constantly persuaded to practice the act of forgiveness.}

_{Forgiveness is very important for the development and growth of mankind.  Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace bringing with it plenty of health benefits, including improved relationships, decreased anxiety and stress, lower blood pressure, a lowered risk of depression, and stronger immune and heart health. It can also pave way for healthier relationships, spiritual growth and psychological well-being.} 

_{Letting go of negative emotions can often have a remarkable impact on the body.}

_{When I was struck down by polio I was despised by the community in my village who thought my condition was a result of witchcraft. My family was forced to flee our ancestral home after calls for my death for fear that I was a curse, a bad omen and a girl that brought shame to the tribal clan. The more I was told about the inhumane intentions and  acts of the villagers, the more I resented everyone from there and this transformed into a bitter anger that began to eat me up silently as I was growing up.}

_{So many times I wished the whole village would be wiped out or be punished somehow for the terrible way they had treated my family and me just because they saw I was different.} Bitterness and anger limited my possibilities, had an effect on me and I felt tied to the oppressors. 

_{It is natural to want revenge but now I insist forgiveness is the best way forward. By refusing to engage in the channel of conflict that your oppressor is trying to create, you frustrate their efforts and prevent them from achieving their objectives. You may feel disadvantaged but you unchain yourself from bad vibes and free yourself to accomplish to the full measure of your potential.} 

_{Let me tell you a story, you have probably heard a different version before;}

_{A snake penetrated into a carpentry workshop.  As it slipped, it passed over a saw and got slightly wounded. Suddenly, it turned and bit the saw, and biting the saw, the snake seriously got wounded in it's mouth! Then not understanding what was happening and thinking that the saw was attacking "him," it decided to roll around the saw to suffocate it with all its body by squeezing it with all its' strength, but it ended up being killed by the saw!!!} 

_{To me this is a clear demonstration of how holding on to anger can affect us and lead to destruction. I have used an example of the reaction of a snake because when I lost use of my limbs due to effects of polio, the villager called me a snake.}

_{-Sometimes we react in anger to hurt those who have harmed us, but we realise after all that we are hurting ourselves.} 

_{-In life it is better sometimes to ignore situations, ignore people, ignore their behaviors, their words.}

_{-Sometimes it is better not to react so as not to suffer consequences that can sometimes be deadly or harmful.}

_{-Do not let hate take over your life because love is stronger than anything.}

_{Before I pen off, let us pause and ask ourselves whether we have spend days and nights pondering on revenge or FORGIVENESS and WHY ???} 

_{Choose forgiveness not because you are weak, but don't let anger, resentment and bitterness take root in your life and rob you of your blessings.} 

_{Anger makes you small but forgiveness causes you to grow beyond what you are.} 

_{Forgiveness is the highest and most beautiful  form of love. Forgive those that are causing you hurt and distress, and in return you will receive untold peace and happiness. Forgiveness is a very tough act but let's just do it !! When you forgive, you break the chains that bind you from those that are hurting you and you can freely move on and re- write your stories of success and  blessings. Let us forgive those that have hurt us, not for them but for ourselves and then we get blessed with a life of beautiful adventures.} 

_{Finally, remember forgiveness  is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.}

_{Be wise and live healthy. God bless you all
 (big smile from me)}

A 'Golden' LIFE

When I got a message from my agent about doing a commercial for Toyota in Japan, it got me excited. This is one country I have not visited and so I was anxious to know more about the people and culture of this amazing nation. 

I know In the ancient times in Japan, when a bowl is broken, it's put together with cracks being filled with gold creating a beautiful lining. This is to emphasise that it was once broken. They believe when something has suffered damage and has a history it makes it more beautiful and this got me thinking about the ups and downs we experience in life.  I often say  I am entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions by the Grace of God and I let my life represent my strengths not my weaknesses. This analogy of the broken bowl goes for human beings and it caused me to pause, think and reflect ... how possible is it to put 'pieces' of ourselves together so as anyone 'touching' us understands what happiness is.  When do we get tired of spinning round and round and stop chasing pretty rainbows and just allow it to be... wrap up all shattered and scattered dreams of our lives, put them all down and start putting them together, piece by piece filling the cracks with gold.
  

Everything that you have been through, everything that you are going through doesn't make and shouldn't make your life 'uglier' although it may seem that when we are going through it. It is up to us to choose to paint those struggles with gold and make it beautiful. You are not broken beyond repair, you can pick yourself up and learn from what has happened and become a better person from it because of the struggles that you have been through. You can wear your scars proudly as a badge of honour as if to say .. 'Hey, look what I have been through, it's made me who I am today and I can get through anything life throws at me now'. Sometimes I call it experience. 

Nobody has had a perfect life, and nobody ever will. It's only up to us, if we choose to paint broken pieces gold and make it beautiful. 

Don't be ashamed of what has happened to you. For everything that has happened to you is for a reason. The more we deny and the 

           

                                                                 

more we complain and don't accept what we have been through, then it doesn't become a lesson, and therefore it's not useful. I sometimes call it useless pain. The moment we accept and find what is useful in the struggles, then that's just like us painting the cracks in our broken pieces GOLD, turning something that could be ugly into something beautiful and inspiring. Yes, turning a negative into a positive. 

When you learn from what you have been through, then your 'golden cracks' are inspirational for others, and the struggle was all worth it, useful pain. So don't get stuck on how  life challenged or is challenging you. I once heard a quote that said,

"Every next level of your life will demand a new you." 

This empowers me greatly and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself. Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life and the hidden secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can and thanking God all the way...So if you are going through hard times, I hope you can pause, take time to reflect and I hope these words can help you or someone you know and care for....

With every blessing xxxxxxxxxxxxx

LEARNING ABOUT MYSELF ...

LEARNING ABOUT MYSELF

Understanding is deeper than knowledge. Did you know that there are many people who know you, but there are very few who understand you? Of course there are, but why would you expect others to understand you if you don't know and understand your own self? 

For the past several months, life has taken me on a journey, a journey I thought I'd already travelled. Some people may call it "self-development" which in my case has been a time of  're-birth' in many ways. 

I call it a journey because it's a process. Knowing yourself is a journey. To be honest, I did not embark on it willingly, circumstances pushed me to it and believe you me - It takes courage and a willingness to peel back the layers bit by bit. It is a learning process about discovering who you are as a human being – yes the real you. 

When I found myself on this journey, I started searching on the outside. Fortunately, after a while, I stopped searching on the outside and realised that the search was an inside job, it had to start from within before it could manifest on the outside, and I had to ask for God's guidance to do the work, no one else could do it for me.

The journey is unpredictable and engages you deeply as it brings you face-to-face with your deepest fears, self-doubts, vulnerabilities and insecurities. On the journey you question how you are living your life and whether or not it is in alignment with your highest purpose. And if you don’t yet know your highest purpose, start searching. 

Through part of my journey, I have learnt and continue to  have a clear perception of my personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. This journey is allowing me to understand other people, how they perceive me, my attitude and responses to them in the moment. For example great relationships are about two things; appreciating the similarities and accepting and respecting the differences in people. I am learning each day, simple lessons like understanding the difference between someone who speaks to you in their free time and someone who frees their time to speak to you. Well, sounds easy, doesn't it? But it isn't! 

The journey around knowing yourself can be challenging and scary, however it also changes over time. For me remembering “Refined gold must go through fire’ and ‘joy comes but in the morning’ was a gift and the assurance that a higher power, God, is watching over me and it’s comforting. 

Indeed, a soul that  

realizes God, experiences God's infinite power, knowledge, and bliss continuously. I realise this when I utterly surrender to the infinite power, God. This was after days of covering up more and more of my face, my mind and my soul. After wrestling, I posed and listened and the still voice within told me it was ok, ok not to be perfect, ok to be me and now I don't cover up anymore. There's only one of me so why try to be like someone else? I am myself and I don't ever want to be society's idea of 'perfect' - but what is perfect anyway? My soul is more content every time I listen to the still voice within, I am tempted to call it the voice of reason ... 

This level of surrender means you're inviting in the feeling that anything is possible by a higher power, God, which means you must let go of just about everything you've learned from the world and believed to be true. It's not easy to let go of external stuff that influences our beliefs and affects perceptions, yet it is the only way we will ever find the experience of being truly free.

There's a vision for each one of us that is greater than our imagination can hold - but how many of us have ever asked our Divine creator to use us in this life, and to fulfil our purpose. I have found hope and peace to be the original 'me' because I am not a carbon copy 🤓

Two Nights of Shock and Horror at Coptic Hospital in Nairobi

I had been attending a UKA Board meeting, and on my way back home, on the train, on everyone's lips was the sad news of Prince's passing. I was sad and shocked because some of his music had inspired me, particularly 'Purple Rain'.

As soon as I got home I switched the TV on to follow up on the story. As I plugged my phone in to charge, my ‘Whatsapp’ crashed with incoming messages and calls. My heart was startled.Within a few minutes, my brother, 'Lopo' called on the land line and asked if I had heard the news that my other brother, 'Bishar', was in hospital unconscious? 

This shocked me because Bishar had just posted on his Facebook page that morning and was actively exchanging normal gags with friends throughout the day on social media. His last social media posting was at 14:53 on April 21st - actually just a few hours before he took ill,

"I decided since the sun was taking longer to come out and shine, let me come out, shine and make a change in someone's life. Thanks for the opportunity". 

My first instinct was to get info from those on the ground back in Kenya. I rang my brother Evans, who was at the hospital along with my sister Vicky, brother-in-law Lawrence, and my sister Irene.

Bishar was at one of his meetings that evening and he felt hot and sweaty so he asked to step outside in the fresh air. His friends report that while outside in the fresh air, he threw up and lost balance (staggered). They decided to rush him to the nearest hospital, Coptic, which was closest.One of his closest friend, James Mureithi actually used Bishars’ car to drive him there and they were joined by another great friend, Carol Kiriethe. They called my brother, Evans to alert him that Bishar was at the hospital.

I was getting very anxious and a bit agitated back in my home in Essex as I felt desperate and increasingly got frustrated as the hospital staff dragged their feet. His blood pressure was over 250 and they wanted payment before they could admit and attend to him accordingly. At least we have the NHS here in the UK but in Kenya you have to pay for everything. Evans arrived accompanied by Wanjiru, 'Shiro', who used her card to pay for some of the deposit. The

deposit required was Ksh. 50,000 (roughly £400)but Shiro paid Ksh.30,000. On arrival,they ,spoke with Bishar coherent and they reassured him he was in safe hands, ‘doctors’.

I was asking every question and making suggestions over the phone - head scan, etc. They then told me that a head scan showed very slight swelling on the brain. My immediate concern was a neurosurgeon to look at the scan and recommend treatment as an emergency. Time was of the essence here and if Bishar was to have a chance to pull through, there could be no margin for error or time wasting. 

I was advised by those on the ground in Kenya with Bishar that he has been admitted in the HDU( high dependency unit ) and they had decided to sedate him so they could stabilise his blood pressure, but then later they moved him to ICU. 

I could not sleep on Thursday night. I sent a message around for friends to pray for his speedy recovery ... 'Praying for my kid bro. He's unwell and is in hospital. Let's cover him with love, light and divine healing'. This was on the 22nd April. 

I kept on ringing relatives who were at the hospital wishing Bishar a quick recovery. The last they were told was that they were sedating him but now they were fearful he's in a coma and on a life-support machine, but the doctors were hopeful that his blood pressure would be stabilised??. I began to wonder - what is it that the doctors were not telling us? It's more than 12hrs. since his head scan and everyone seems to be very confused at the conflicting reports. 

I decided I would fly to be at my brother’s bedside as he battles whatever is happening to him. I know him as a fighter and so many times when I face challenges in life, he's always reminded me that tomorrow is a new day and he urges me to put up a fight. 

At Coptic Hospital, Nairobi, my family are being tossed up and down with information. A neurosurgeon needs to asses my brother’s condition - I urge them to insist. The hospital staff lie that the surgeon is within the building and he's on his way to see him. It's getting late and chances of my brother surviving are decreasing by the second. My sister Melvin decided to ask her friend if they knew a neurosurgeon and they mention Dr. N who is the resident doctor but he was unavailable. We decide to bring in a different neurosurgeon so I get on Google to search and get on the phones, and I manage to speak to one who advises me to move swiftly. The hospital staff at Coptic discouraged us by saying that only the resident neurosurgeon could see my brother. But where is your resident neurosurgeon for god’s sake!!! He's just about somewhere within the building, we are told. My family, with the help of my sister Vicky and Evans, manage to somehow 'bulldoze' a neurosurgeon in who on permission sees my bro and the news is not good. He tells us his condition was 50/50, but more on the negative side and he said he would let the resident neurosurgeon, Dr N, attend to him and notify us (family). I think he just didn't want to be the bearer of such sad news. Afterwards, I manage to trace Dr. Ns' number and I try all means to reach him but in vain. 

The truth of the matter is that he's not anywhere near or within that hospital. So often it is life’s frustrations that destabilise us.

Within an hour of this, Evans sends me a notification from the hospital staff demanding for the outstanding deposit and payment for that day. Those people are heartless. 

My sister Jane asks the doctors and staff if my bro was responding to medication. One staff member lets her tongue loosen and says they don’t switch off the machine suddenly; they do it gradually and adds that the family should come in the following day, Saturday, at 12 noon for a report. Jane is shocked by her words but she is quickly reassured that everything will be ok. Where are the medical ethics here? What happened when they sedated my brother? where has the talk of switching life support machine on come from!

Everyone is exhausted at this point. One thing we are holding onto is Bishars’ life. We had hope and faith that he would pull through. We so wanted him to open his eyes.

One Bible verse that I quickly turn to is from Psalms 62

    “Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him”.

These are meant to be comforting words but at that point in time, the restless anxious chatter in my head was unbearable.

I manage to speak with my cousin, Philemon, and I beg him to tell me every detail. I start by asking him if Bishar is on oxygen, what medication are they giving him. Has he had another head scan? etc. By now, I have my air ticket to fly to Nairobi. We decided as a family we would move him to either Nairobi Hospital, Marter or a private wing in Kenyatta Hospital. I was already liaising with a neurosurgeon and also looking into getting a private one to fly to Kenya. When I was told Bishar had suffered a stroke, in my mind I started to have a plan of care for him. He'd be in hospital for a while and when he wakes from the coma he'll struggle with speech and coordination but as a wheelchair user myself I believed we could have a satisfactory support plan in place for him as he recovered. I knew he would need a wheelchair, then a walking stick, etc. until he had made a maximum recovery. I got speaking to people who had survived the kind of stroke we were being told Bishar had suffered and the more stories of success I heard the more optimistic I became. I wasn't going to write my kid brother off on a report that that my kid brother had slipped into a coma. We were going to fight this together. We are a strong family that are always there for one another and I knew we would rally around Bishar and boost him.     

Saturday 23rd April was a hazy day that brought darkness to us. 

My uncle Peps and cousin Philemon were among the first to arrive to visit Bishar at the ICU. Uncle Peps saw him and gave a positive feedback to my dad. Bishars blood pressure had been stabilised and his body was warm to touch. My cousin told me he felt there was some circulation in his organs as he saw the urine bag was filling as it hadn't on Friday. Good News! I made several phone calls to Kenya and the family were streaming in to visit, as you do when you have a loved one admitted to hospital.  On Saturday morning I am lucky to get Dr. N on the phone and I pour out my every frustration to him and I express my disappointment at the shocking quality of care given to my brother. Dr. N did not sound sympathetic or even bothered and he asked me to call him after an hour. Where were the medical ethics here? I asked myself. I quickly remind myself that I am to react and speak from a position of compassion, and strength, with God my rock; otherwise I will blurt out unhelpfully when the pressure is on. I know my behaviour sometimes is unrepresentative of my heart, and as much as I like to operate from within the fortress who is God, a place of safety and assurance – I found it difficult in that instance.

My sister Irene tells me she got in to visit with Bishar and held his hand to talk to him and just massage his arm. She was shocked when she felt no pulse and she quickly alerted Uncle Peps who was in the room with her. I called Irene and when my brother-in-law, Arthur answered the call, my heart sank. All he said was 'Where are you? Come quickly! Bishar has left us. Come quickly, he's gone!' I remember him choking over the phone holding back tears. I quickly hang up because that's not the report I wanted to hear. After a few minutes, I rang Philemon and I demanded one answer from him -I asked is it good news or bad? He replied 'Bad’. I felt overcome with grief but still unable to accept what I was hearing.

I rang my sister Jane on the phone and she was wailing and asking God many questions. I cut her off and then received a text from my dad, ‘Cancel your journey. He is dead'. My heart sank, I felt dizzy and sick. I didn't know where to look. I felt like all my insides would all come out. Bishar had succumbed on this Saturday 23rd April at noon -the exact time that Jane was advised they would be given the family a full report. I spoke to Evans, who was devastated too and totally broken. Evans was the last person to speak with Bishar as they reassured him he would get well. He was alert and communicating before the sedation. Evans told us that when Bishar was sedated, he started to sing a Hymn as he slipped away, 

Kaa nami ni usiku sana (Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;)

Usiniache gizani bwana (The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.)

Msaada wako haukomi (When other helpers fail and comforts flee,)

Nili pekee yangu, kaa nami (Help of the helpless, O abide with me.)

 His favourite Hymn and his ringtone. These were the last words he ever uttered on this earth.

JOIN ME IN PART TWO OF THIS BLOG !! TO FOLLOW SOON.